Leftovers!

In the tradition of everyone eating lots of leftovers post-holidays, I thought I'd post some bloggie leftovers as well. So please join me in revisiting this post I wrote back in February 2008...one of my favorites: It's Grow, not Grough. Hope you enjoy!

Primary schools have a sadistic streak to them in the shape of a little subject called “penmanship.” Okay, so let me get this straight: we first learn how to “print.” Then, after learning that, we should basically erase our knowledge of those letters and learn a new set of letters entirely. Yeah, that makes sense. You know that letter “m” we just taught you that has two humps? Well, the joke’s on you, because it has three now. Take that! Now back to print: it has two.

And while you’re at it, children, remember that spelling counts. So sound it out. Bow. (Sounds like BOUGH…which does not sound like TOUGH, which does sound like ROUGH but not like THROUGH.) This is not to be confused with bow, which sounds like row. Sew sounds like row, too, but we threw (not through) an “e” in there just to keep it interesting, keep you guessing. No (not nough, which is not a word…not know, which is a word but not this word) wonder so (not sew) many Americans have atrocious spelling. (Side note: for those of you worried about the spelling of “atrocious,” an alternate spelling is B-A-D).

So (not sew), as far as I know (NO!) the Chinese don’t have an extra letter set to make their characters “pretty” like we do. So what is cursive for (not four), anyway? (Side note: Please note the root word of “cursive” is “curse.”) Answer: Cursive is how we break the children of the mind reading. Think about it…this is the age when the mind reading stops. As soon as they learn cursive, the psychic episodes end. Why is this?Probably because they are too damn confused about why the capital cursive “Q” looks like the number two (hey, that rhymed!) that they don’t have the time or brain power to focus their telepathic energies. Way to beat them into submission, English Language! You go, girl! (Side note: Yes, the English Language is a girl. No, I don’t know why. No more questions.)

The Night Before

Maybe you're like us and have to run from family get-together to family get-together with no down time whatsoever on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Maybe you're spending your Christmas Eve having a quiet day just with your immediate family. Maybe, heaven forbid, you're working on Christmas Eve (Side note: Good for you being online at work! Way to stick it to 'em for making you work!). No matter what, my wish for you today is that your day will be filled with all the people who matter, laughter to drown out all of the seriousness of every day life, and the spirit of love that comes with this time of year. Oh...and don't forget cookies. Those are important ;-)

Merry Christmas Eve, Blog Club. (Side note: Yes, despite this week's earlier post, I DO say Merry Christmas, and the phrase doesn't offend me!...I was simply saying I had no clue why the phrase Happy Holidays offends people so much!).

I leave you with the most awesome commercial of the year ;-)

Happy *&%$#!@ Holidays!

Hello, Blog Club! Before I get to today's main event, it is with great sadness that I have to tell you I have enabled word verification in the commenting section. I hate that I had to do it, but I was being riddled with spam bullets and had to act accordingly. It is my hope that you'll all still comment as usual and this won't be too much of an inconvenience. Now, on to the post!

It has come to my attention that there is a huge problem facing our world that I was unaware of until recently: Christ has apparently been KIDNAPPED on Christmas Day!

What?? He hasn't been kidnapped? Oh. Well, what did they mean by "taking the Christ out of Christmas?" if they didn't mean he'd been kidnapped?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!?!?!?

Lately, I've seen facebook groups, heard radio commercials, etc. about this phenomenon of "Happy Holidays" being some Krampus-driven phrase invented by bastards hell-bent on removing all traces of Christianity from the Christmas holiday. Now, call me crazy, but I'm not really sure when "Happy Holidays" became of the devil. In fact, until the blatant hatred of the phrase began, I never knew "Happy Holidays" didn't MEAN "Merry Christmas." I always thought, growing up, that people who said, "Happy Holidays," were simply using it to refer to the group of holidays I celebrate during the season: Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, New Year's. And even if that isn't the case...even if it's simply meant to include ALL holidays celebrated this time of year, is it a BAD thing for me to tell friends Happy Holidays so my Christian friends who celebrate Christmas are included as well as my Jewish friends who celebrate Hanukkah? It never occurred to me that it could be ANTI-Christian to include other people.

But, now that I think of it, how could Happy Holidays NOT be anti-Christian? I mean, how dare people spread joy and yuletide well-wishings? How DARE they love everyone! How DARE they not exclude people. Damn them AND their holiday cheer! BASTARDS! It's just like "X-mas." How DARE you abbreviate Christmas by taking the Christ out of Christmas!

What's that? The "X" in "X-mas" originated from the Greek letter "X" being the letter that represents Christ? You don't say. Well, don't I feel like a moron.

Well, a Happy Holidays and Merry X-Mas to you all! Tell me...what are your plans for Christmas Day?

Serious Saturday: Love Will Keep Us Together

In the next couple of months, I will celebrate spending a quarter of a century on this earth. I've learned a lot of things in that fourth of a century. I've learned that you should never put something wrapped in aluminum foil in the microwave, I learned that white isn't really the best color to wear to an outdoor picnic, since sometimes it rains. But one of the most important things I've learned is a little deeper than this.

You tend to think about people in your life within the context of their relationship to you. You think of them as your sister, your mother, your friend. In turn, you usually treat them a certain way based on what they are to you. It's because our relationship to them is one dimensional. Sometimes it's hard to look at our parents and not just see them as our parents, but to also see them as whole people who have their own individual tastes, desires, and dreams. They have their own lives outside their relationship with us. They have friends, they have things that hurt them and stress them out. They are passionate about different things.

And why is it important to distinguish the difference between what your loved ones are to you and who they ARE? It's important because it's only when you can love them as PEOPLE rather than just what they are TO YOU.

So get to know your loved ones as full people, not just what they are to you. Learn about their goals, their fears, their wants, and their needs. Then maybe you'll be able to understand them a little better, and you'll certainly be able to love them even more.

Too Good to Only Post it for One Year...

Part 1: The Letter




Part 2: Dreams Come True

A Little This...A Little That

Hang on, blogosphere, because I have a couple of things for you today!

First off, I follow a lot of writers' blogs and twitters, etc. and have a lot of "online writing friends." A while back, one of these blogging authors (http://kodymekellkeplinger.blogspot.com/) came up with the awesome idea of Agent Appreciation Day. Well, in the blogging community, a lot of writers have jumped on Kody's bandwagon and decided today would be THE day for us to say how much we love our agents. So...

Happy Agent Day to my Fab Agent Christine! Who:
*not only believes in my writing even on days when I'm not so sure I believe in my writing, but she's smart, sassy, and so very much fun!
*ever-so-gently calls me out on my crap (*reads back over first paragraph and notes "bandwagon" cliche as well as that the word "that" was not only JUST used, but it was also used in the title of the blog.* Damn!)
*has the uncanny ability to cause me to grin stupidly anytime I talk to her
*busts her butt for every single one of her clients. She works just as hard for us newbies as she does her clients who're multi-published authors (Side note: and by multi-published, I mean, multi with a capital M-ULTI!).
*In a world full of waiting and eerie silences, will always answer any e-mail, usually the same day or the next day, as well as call periodically to check in.
*is a dog lover
*is oh-so-easy to talk to
*is fearless
*Basically just rocks my red and white striped Christmas socks! I couldn't ask for anything more; I used to wonder, when other writers talked about just having this gut feeling if an agent was right for you or not, would I really know. Yep, I did know, right off the bat that Christine was it. We work well together and have a rapport that feels like we've known each other for years. So, muah, Christine! Hope your day was grand!

Part two of today's blog is a dance video! I really hate to have my dotings on my agent interrupted by a dance vid, but I promised someone I would put this video up TODAY. So, without further ado, here is a clip of a waltz we're just starting to work on. I hope you enjoy it!



PS: If you guys ever get sick to death of me posting these dance videos, let me know. From the feedback it seems like y'all have wanted to see more, but I don't ever want to become that girl who shoves her dance videos down your throat :-)

All Hail, Krampus!

As Christmas Day draws near, I have discovered one of the most fantastic elements of the season, which, until now, I knew nothing about. It is...Krampus!

In certain parts of the world, this mythical creature is said to accompany St. Nicholas on Christmas to scare and punish the bad children. In some instances, Krampus is depicted stealing children away, taking them to hell (Side note: you parents using the "lump of coal" scare tactic have GOT to take a lesson here!). Krampus is known to chastise the children, but he also beats them with birch sticks. If he deems them worthy to stay on earth, that is.

Now, as I'm pretty sure you all know if you've hung around here long, I'm totally in favor of Krampus. In fact, I've already sent money to his campaign. However, I guess what I'm wondering is why my dear Krampus would use birch sticks to beat the children when he has a perfectly good tail he could use? After all, what good is having a tail if not to use it for advanced warfare? (Side note: as well as singing into it while he's in his Krampus shower, practicing for his audition for Krampusian Idol.).

Krampus, of course, is not without his faults. He has an excessively long tongue, and the state in which it photographs causes him intense anxiety and panic attacks. He also often finds himself the subject of uncomfortable, highly-sexualized, inappropriate horn jokes ar parties. It's no wonder he takes out his rage on small beings weaker than himself...he's hurting inside, and the only way to help it is to hear lesser beings scream. Now is that so bad??

Now, the only question I have left is why can't I go get my picture taken with the Krampus at the mall...?