What's that Yellow Stuff?

As part of AW’s May blog chain, I’m writing tonight a little bit about rejection.

Rahzib Ahmed over at Asian Business said, “Plain rejection means direct or straight forward rejection. I applied for a writing work and they did not accept me or like my idea.”

Now, if there is anything writers know about, surely it is rejection. Even authors such as Stephen King and J.K. Rowling boast hefty stacks of the dreaded form letters. But, just in case you’re new to the game and are getting rejections other than form, I’m more than happy to help point out your shortcomings for you in a little segment I like to call the Top Ten Ways to Know Your Novel (or proposal or short story or article…I’m not prejudiced) Has Been Rejected:

10.) The agent says she’ll consider you if you make one slight alteration: you must change your current title to There’s No Way in Hell I Would Represent You...Ever.
9.) The rejection letter contains a PS: Have you considered lobotomy as an option?
8.) The rejection letter is addressed to “Mr. Uni Tookwit.”
7.) The editor’s assistant calls you to verify the correct spelling of your full name so they can make sure they get it right on the restraining order.
6.) The rejection letter is an impromptu haiku: Don’t send us queries
We have read your stuff before
Stinks worse than warthogs.
5.) Your manuscript returns to you in the mail, and when you open it, not only is there a large red “No” scrawled across the front page, but it also bears curious yellow stains that look suspiciously like urine.
4.) The subject line of the e-mail reply to your query is, “HAHA,” and when you open it, the letter reads, “Good April Fools joke, Bob! I’m getting you next time!”
3.) Your manuscript is returned to you in a box…shredded.
2.) Your SASE comes back to you with not only a form letter but a few dollars and a note that says, “Here, have five bucks, because at the rate you’re going you’re never going to sell this piece of…”

And the number one way to know your novel has been rejected:
The editor calls and tells you that while they don’t want to publish your novel outright, they would like to print excerpts from it in another book…a book about the "don’ts" of novel writing.

I hope you’ll visit some of the other bloggers in this fantastic blogging bunch (who, unlike the Brady Bunch, aren’t necessarily four men living all together or a bunch of girls with hair of gold):

Auria Cortes

Life in Scribbletown

Polyamory From the Inside Out

For the First Time

Family On Bikes

Writes in the City

Elf Killing and Other Hobbies

Rotating Bear

Fantastical Imagination

Asian Business

Spittin' (Out Words) Like a Llama

As Yet Untitled

Mad Scientist Matt's Lair

Peregrinas

Delirious