Well, not anymore. This summer, a law was passed to combat this serious issue in a serious way. As of this summer, it is now legal to shoot these fearsome beasts at will.
From helicopters.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. Colby, why should I shoot my hog from a helicopter rather than say, the ground or an automobile? And the answer is simple: because it's not as awesome, mother f***er! (Side note: yeah, sorry, I couldn't help that last. The mere thought of flying over open land and poppin' some caps in some free range hog asses just got me JACKED UP.)
This is a step in the right direction, Americans. It's telling those hogs we're mad as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore! It's sending a message, Blog Club. We will not tolerate pigs, and we will also not tolerate pigs being shot in anything less than the most exorbitant, outlandish, and impressive way possible. After all, should we do anything less, we risk looking weak/pig riot/someone questioning the penis size of the shooters. It is imperative we not reveal any soft spot they can penetrate.
But Colby! What about the state of the economy? Isn't it less than prudent to use so much fuel to use helicopters? And I answer you: DUH! But what is the cost of millions of dollars when it means the end of the horror of rooting pigs? You might think we need healthcare, fine arts in schools, and cancer research, but we don't. What we need most is pig reform, and we need it now! We have tried using diplomacy with these pigs! They will not listen! They are relentless, and so shall we be!
So, in conclusion, Blog Club, the year of the pigs is over. The time of the preposterous hunter has come! The only question in my mind that remains is why we haven't thought of this before now!
What say you, Blog Club? Can we find an even MORE awesome way to mercilessly show these swine their place?
6 comments:
Oh lawd. oh lawd lawd!
*hides eyes from piggie slaughter*
(you asked on my blog about the title *laughing* -another Lawd! - eventually what I want to do is just have it under my name and change the link to kathrynmagendie@blogspot.com - and I will probably need to do that soon - it's so confusing because it's been tender graces and vk sagas and writing from my mountain and .... and -- LAWD! So I think just under my name would be shorter than "Kathryn magendie: writing from my mountain cove" .... did all that just make sense - I need a nap) :-D
In Australia we have a similar problem with cane toads. They don't look as ferocious as the hogs, but they are nasty critters nonetheless.
Do you get to eat them after you shoot them? Like deer?
It's true. Helicopter hog hunting is truly the pinnacle of pig popping on earth. I for one am proud of the great state of Texas for taking the initiative to finally deal with this menace once and for all.
Next on the docket: a new york city law authorizing unlimited termination of pigeons by means of a crossbow while bungie jumping off a skyscraper.
I'm waiting for the pigs to start fighting back. Maybe they can do for themselves what Hitchcock did for birds. ;)
I guess the only hopeful thing about the helicopter hunting is that the hunters could fall out.
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