Animal Cool-ety: You Big Baby

Some animals are cute, so you feel protective of them and their cuteness. No one really wants to hurt a box of labrador puppies, right? Other animals are so ugly that it's almost unfair, how easy someone would harm them (wild hog helicopter hunting, anyone?). Then, there's this:

That's right, Blog Club. I'm talking about the bush baby.

It's brilliant, actually. This thing has worked up the perfect defensive mechanism: use your ridiculously huge eyes and cute little nose to look like something relatively cute, but that could otherwise be tipped either way...then call yourself something like, "bush baby" to influence that very ambiguous cute factor of yours to make everyone assume you are cute. "He's a baby!"

they'll fawn. "We must love him! Protect him!"

Here's where my problem comes in, though. This seems incredibly deceptive to me. Is this creature actually cute, so I want to be protective of his cuteness and thus, his brilliance is acceptable? Or, is he not adorable, and so his brilliance is actually evil and to be shunned? And I answer myself: that little thing is your worst f***ing nightmare. (And I don't mean that good, Matt Damon kind, either.)

Think about it. Is your guard down? Are you assuming he's harmless? Are you ready to fix

him a little nest beside your bed to sleep in and let him surf on your laptop while you're not home? Exactly. That's what he wants you to feel.

So, while you're off buying him a new green sweater vest and rain boots to match, he's at home, going through you e-mail, reading your diary, and collecting your social security

information. You might even come home and catch him in the act. But you know what? You won't call him out. He'll widen those big "baby" eyes, curl his weird little fingers around your hand, and before you know it, you'll give him a full book of blank checks to "play with." He's a dangerous little thing, this bush baby.

Cool-ety rating? NOT cool. He is ambushing you. Consider yourself bushwacked. Run...don't walk...away from this terrifying monster!

What do you think? Bush baby: friend or foe?