If You Can't Take the Heat, Get Out of the Bedroom

Dearest Blog Club: what you're about to read will repulse you. If it does not, seek professional help immediately.

Quite some time ago, I read a news article that sounded like prime blog fodder, and I've somehow not written about it until now. Perhaps it's because I tried to block it out. Anyway, today, it resurfaced, so I feel it's the time to make you aware of this:

Now, I'm not one to knock a book before I've read it, so I picked it up and read the thing. I can't even begin to point out all the crazy in this thing. First of all, it works like this: when the man wants to have sex with his wife, he drops one of his forty beads into the bowl. Within 24 hours, she has to have sex with him. This supposedly makes a man feel better about his sex life because his wife is a "sure thing." She even says at a point her husband walks taller in his shoes because his friends know he's getting laid. Um, yeah. I'm sure the way she goes around telling everyone in a BOOK how she didn't want to have sex with her husband/desire it is really upping his self-esteem. I'm sure his pals don't kid him at ALL.

Oh, and did I mention he is only allowed to drop a bead every 3 days, max? She has to "recover" and would never survive if it was daily. That's part of the "Bead Covenant" that goes with this --erm--"special" little system.

Now, you're probably asking, "If a man is the one dropping the beads and getting laid a lot (ie, every 3 days...max), what does the wife (who of COURSE doesn't like sex...she's a woman, for goddsakes!) get out of the deal?" Well, I'm glad you asked that! The reason for giving your man these forty beads is because if he is properly sexed, which, according to her, is the most important thing in life to him, he will "behave" better for her. He will start to do dishes, fold the laundry, and help with chores. Oh, yeah.

And in case you'r wondering why women can't drop beads, Carolyn can answer that. She gives the women three nudge cards in case they're ever in the mood and need to "nudge" their man. Why three? Because obviously since women hate sex, three should more than cover that rare occasion, one that Carolyn admits in the book she's never had--she's never used a nudge card.

So, I went over to her blog one day to read an article I saw on twitter, and I commented on it, because in said article, she talked about how the naysayers have simply, "never read the book and so don't understand what the method is about." So, I commented that wasn't the case, that I'd read the book and thought it did nothing but perpetuate awful stereotypes. Wouldn't you know that my comment was never published (she moderates all comments)? Which, that's why I decided to blog about it here, because don't make wild claims that the only people who think this "brilliant method" of hers is silly haven't read the book and then not publish comments from people who clearly have. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the bedroom.

/end rant.

What do you suppose happens when the forty beads are used up?